Are you a cultural relativist or just rightly fearful?

RELATIVIST RACHEL

We probably shouldn’t sunbathe here.

BOYFRIEND BOB

 Why? Is it against the law?

RELATIVIST RACHEL

No, but the locals…I don’t want to offend their cultural sensibilities by showing too much skin.

BOYFRIEND BOB

What would happen if you did?

RELATIVIST RACHEL

Nothing. But it makes them uncomfortable to see women “show off their bodies”.

BOYFRIEND BOB

First of all… I don’t think you’d be “showing off your body”. Why should you police yourself and give up an opportunity to enjoy the sun? Worried about ruining their day? 

RELATIVIST RACHEL 

Yep.

BOYFRIEND BOB 

Here’s a thought experiment. Imagine a place where the locals are deeply offended by various ostensibly innocuous activities -  women showing any skin, consumption of alcohol and even people privately listening to music on their earphones.

RELATIVIST RACHEL

Uh huh… 

BOYFRIEND BOB

But they don’t enforce this in any way. They have a ritual every night where everyone meets and privately meditates on sights and sounds that offended them. Then they forgive everyone who transgressed and let it all go…

RELATIVIST RACHEL 

Well, even so, I would still not want to willingly cause offense. 

BOYFRIEND BOB

Sure, but imagine what this society actually looks like. You might see a higher percentage of the population abstaining from specific activities but within the bounds of normal human variation. People would be free to indulge in things that bring them joy. Tourists most certainly wouldn’t change their ways because the locals wouldn’t really make it known that they’re offended. 

RELATIVIST RACHEL 

This is contrived as hell. When you’re offended, you usually can’t meditate the offense away.

BOYFRIEND BOB

Yes, true…and that’s basically the point. The way that offense cashes out in actions matters. When we say we don’t want to offend local sensibilities, we’re often really saying we don’t want to risk backlash.. Cultures that are conservative enough to take offense at norm violation, even by outsiders, have likely had to use shame and stigma, if not outright violence to enforce such norms.. And locals that violate these norms have significantly worse lives. 

RELATIVIST RACHEL 

Well, I feel bad for those people within these communities, of course.

BOYFRIEND BOB

Yes, so you clearly recognize that this is a culture that’s hostile to dissent. You recognize the harm that it causes. Yet, you feel the need to respect it. Why?

RELATIVIST RACHEL

Well, because when in Rome…

BOYFRIEND BOB 

Sure, that’s a more honest answer and one I have no problem with. But implicit in that answer is a concession that this is not about respect, but about fear. The likelihood of retaliation in physical violence might be low; but you’re generally rolling the dice  - the same way you would be if you decided to walk alone through a not so great neighborhood.  

RELATIVIST RACHEL

Could it not be both ?

BOYFRIEND BOB 

It could but here’s another thought experiment - South Williamsburg in Brooklyn has an exceptionally insular ultra-orthodox Jewish population. Do New Yorkers cover their heads while walking through the neighborhood or observe Sabbath by refusing to drive through the neighborhood on Saturdays?  

RELATIVIST RACHEL

Are you claiming the ultra orthodox are in fact liberal? 

BOYFRIEND BOB

No, of course not. Coercion, shame and occasionally violence are certainly used within the community to enforce religious norms. But they’re generally unconcerned with imposing them on outsiders and there’s virtually no increased risk of violence by causing them “offense”. Most importantly, in New York, they can’t impose their will on others even if they wanted to. 

But in Saudi Arabia, you’d have no choice but to dress like a local woman (this is changing ofc).. In Egypt, the law might not compel you to but you’ll probably want to. And in parts of India, you might feel less of a need to than in Egypt but ehh.. Why risk it? 

Yes, we like to cosplay as locals when we travel sometimes. But we only consider giving up our ability to live as free agents when the culture in question has the inclination and realistic ability to impose their norms on the rest of us. This has little to do with specific practices of a culture and everything to do with tolerance for dissent.